When you've got it, you've got it.

That's what Simon Cowell told David Archuleta on Tuesday, minutes before he said the same things to Jason Castro and Aussie expatriate Michael Johns.

So, that would be the American Idol Top 3 from boys' night, right?

Think again. And this year, it's not just me judging the talent. My sainted mother has tagged along, and it's for a reason.

Those of you who have watched the show like we have since Idol's inception understand the differences in the show's demographics. The heavy voters are teenage girls, but their voting preferences have historically mimicked those of adult women -- the grandmas, if you will.

Well, the sainted nameless above-reproach mother also happens to be a grandmother, although not from any contribution of mine that we know of ... yet. Give me red wine, some pills and a willing participant, and I'm betting I can make it happen.

However, for me, the amorous mood wouldn't have a thing to do with anything I saw tonight. Tuesday's male performances were much younger overall than in previous years, much more theatrical and less relevant than ever.

Nevertheless, David Archuleta stands out like a sore thumb, but in a good way. Vocally, there's nobody on par with him yet, even though his voice cracked Peter Brady style in the middle of "Shop Around."

Stylistically, I liked Johns and Castro well enough, but Johns was extremely pitchy and dull on The Doors' "Light My Fire," and Castro's terrible guitar work killed any thought I had of giving his Lovin' Spoonful tribute a thumbs-up.

Lesson No. 1 when playing an instrument live: Tune it!

Love what Mom said about Castro: "Performance was OK as was the song but he needs a haircut." Don't think for a second that teenage girls aren't thinking the same thing. When it comes to a yum sandwich, who are these teen (better yet, tween) girls going to dial digits for -- Rasta Castro? or Davey Archuleta.

Not a contest there, podnah. Mom said of Archuleta, "Good voice. Good performance, but I didn't like the song."

It's an astute point because voters base a lot of their opinions on these songs, and The Miracles' 1960 legendary hit is not likely on any iPods or Facebook pages. On the other hand, as a lover of all things Smokey Robinson, I thought the song was a smart choice musically.

The most disagreement between myself and my parental unit, the two disparate voters we are, centered on Chikezie Eze. His version of Spiral Starecase's "More Today Than Yesterday," I thought, was tantamount to at least manslaughter.

Mom liked it. Well, she at least liked the voice behind the song.

As for the suit, we both agreed with Simon. It looked hideous, dude.

We also disagree heavily on Danny Noriega, who I am convinced will eventually take the stage in a dress. I kid. See, I'm on his side. Think he's a true-blue talent. Terrific voice. Interesting personality, and he has this David Bowie feminine vibe going.

But Mom thinks he's a goner. I don't, although I also didn't think his version of "Jailhouse Rock" was the best ever.

On the other hand, we both agreed on Robbie Carrico in that his performance of Three Dog Night's "One" was solid. Good voice, and he looks and sounds like a pro. Like Simon, I do not buy the rocker vibe one bit.

He's too clean, and we already know his history with Boyz-n-Girls United. Plus, sorry, but his voice is actually too polished for rock. Carrico is closer to the cast of RENT than he is the next Daughtry album.

But I say this is a good thing. There is no doubt in my mind that Season 7's group of male contestants is by a mile the most feminine the show has ever had. Most of these males are mere boys, and artistically, they are much closer to future Broadway stars than pop sensations.

Vive le difference!

Mom's Top 5 performances came from: 1) Michael Johns, 2) David Archuleta, 3) Robbie Carrico, 4) Chikezie, 5) Jason Castro.

And mine were: 1) The boy wonder. The kid. David Archuleta. 2) Robbie Carrico. 3) Danny Noriega. Personally, I think he's the first Idol contestant who could stand a chance of winning the competition by being MORE Broadway.

That's all I can rank. I honestly hated the rest of them.

Mom thinks Luke Menard and Noriega will get booted right off, and I say it's Menard and Jason Yeager, whose version of Moon River wasn't actually all that bad. Great song, too.

That's a wrap for the dudes, which gives me just enough time to erase everything from my Idol memory banks in time for Wednesday's performances from our Top 12 women.