You can always count on Bravo to produce either some intelligent, creative television that sparks discussion or even debate or, conversely, some train-wreck %#&* that has television viewers on their feet in disbelief.

Bravo's Hey Paula is the latter in a big way.

Paula Abdul stammers and slurs her way through a uber-busy professional life. Critics say she's got to be on something, and supporters say she gets no sleep.

Here's what I say: Ms. Abdul doesn't have her act together at all, and neither do any of her assistants.

First thing I noticed about Paula is that she stumbles a lot. Like a drunk. There is actually little evidence at all that she drinks heavily. She has a gorgeous figure. She's not bloated, and I do think she's pretty much on the go all the time.

However, I suspect an addiction to pain-killers. Not saying she's on OxyContin or Vicodin, but she does act like she's havin' a good time upstairs. One can be quite functional on pain-killers. Hell, I spent all of Jan.-Feb. 2007 on pain-killers while I got my mouth worked on, and they were two of the most enjoyable months I can remember.

On the other hand, in the third episode of the show, she arrives at a hotel at like 2 a.m. and has to get up at 4 a.m. for a QVC event, a televised affair at which she acted completely spaced. I've been there. In fact, I can recall during the ice storms this past year only getting 1.5 hours worth of sleep at the station. I was a mess the next day, physically and mentally.

This is why I say I have very little empathy for Paula.

She has, what, five assistants? Interns? Are they all dumb as bricks?

First and foremost, buy yourself a Franklin Covey day-planner. Heck, I took that advice this week from a friend of mine on YouTube who recommended it when I noted I was having a hard time keeping up. Back in the late 1990s, the company where I worked (Dallas Systems Corp.) bought them for us, and I used mine religiously. As soon as she mentioned getting one, it was like an epiphany to me.

Second, you have to eat better. Paula eats from vending machines and gets stuff from Panda Express, which I'm sure is full of sodium and starch. To a certain extent, she does seem a bit physically like a diabetic when the afflicted's blood sugar gets way low.

Third, she simply must sleep. I'm dragging this week with only seven hours each day. I can't imagine how she feels. Sure, she's physically in better shape than I am, but two, three hours of sleep per night is a killer.

She might be hard to work for. I can't tell for sure having only watched one episode so far, but to me it's clear that her assistants are failing her. Paula Abdul needs somebody to crack the whip and take charge. Maybe that was Emilio's role back in the day. Maybe he got bored with that routine.

Truth is, I don't think anybody is really interested in seeing the innerworkings of the life of a professional businesswoman -- not in the case of Paula Abdul at least. We're in it for the train wreck, totally.

She reads from cue cards, and badly I might add. She slurs, stammers and stumbles. She weeps on cue. She's delusional, and yet some of us still insist on watching.

And, we should insist on watching for the moment because I can't imagine any chance this series lasts beyond a season given that I don't believe there is any chance it helps Abdul's career at all. If anything, it reinforces the notion that she might be on pills while adding the double bonus of making the entire planet think she is completely off-her-gourd mentally insane.

She's still hot though. Incredibly hot.